she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
