It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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