pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize