I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
