help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
