Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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