Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
