I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do herpes really smell.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
