im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
