So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner