I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high