Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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