oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"