it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
