i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dignity is for republicans.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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