Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
