So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
