Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
