Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
