I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
