Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dicks are not precious.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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