I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
