I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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