I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
