It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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