I never want to see another naked old woman again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
