do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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