I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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