She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
