how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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