distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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