3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
