Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
