Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
