Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
