I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
