I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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