I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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