There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
