Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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