I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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