i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
