Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
