went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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