my mouth tastes like poor choices
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
