There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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