I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i came on her dog
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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