yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
