Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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