he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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