On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
