Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
