There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
