woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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