and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
