Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
