I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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