You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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