i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
