a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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