i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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