I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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