hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
