i just made my gag reflex go away.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
