I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
