Farmville is her only friend.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
