I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's always time for handjobs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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