Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
