I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
