don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
