i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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