Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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