No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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