covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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