never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
