you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
