And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
