maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
