He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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