I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
sex in a hospital.. check
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
