She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
